We’d all like to bypass the hurt and pain of choosing the wrong mate. If we could avoid the men and women who aren’t a match for us and engage someone who will celebrate us and appreciate what we bring to the table instead of someone who comes into our lives just to take whatever they can get, we would. Let me first clear up the thought that there is a simple formula to finding your soul mate—there isn’t. On the bright side, there are steps we can take that will not only prepare us mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the right relationship, but teach us how to “tune in” so we don’t miss it when the right one comes along.
Stop Looking. So many of us spend endless hours looking across the room or scanning a crowded party trying to make eye contact because we feel that it’s the only way we’ll ever find someone interesting. We spend so much time looking outward when really the search to finding someone who will compliment us starts inward. What do you want to do in life? Are you meeting your own goals? So many people are miserable when they couple up because they spent so much time seeking someone else and little or no time fleshing out their own hopes and dreams. Make yourself the focus first. That’s what being single is about. Once you get a handle on you, your likes and dislikes and what you want to do in life, it is far less likely that you will couple up with someone who doesn’t mirror the things you desire. Knowing your own purpose is the best way to be able to eliminate the counterfeits when they approach you.
Appreciate People Just As They Are. This is hard for some people because the media has us brainwashed into seeking perfection in everybody we meet. We want a Denzel face, Angelina lips, Janet Jackson body and a Bill Gates wallet, but we should appreciate everybody we meet even if we don’t consider them a potential mate. These same people can end up being potential business contacts, lifelong friends or so much more. But when we become totally enamored with the outer appearance, the car someone drives, the kind of job they have or other material things rather than bypassing those things and having a heart to heart with them, it actually speaks more of our own inadequacies than theirs. We want someone who has these things because deep down we don’t believe we’re enough. So, get those airbrushed men and women out of your minds. Real men and women don’t look like Hollywood stars in magazines anyway. The package that you’re demanding your perfect mate fit into may come with a rotten personality or abusive behavior. Broaden your mind so that you’re getting the total package of love—not just an empty shell.
Be Approachable. This goes with “appreciating people” part, but delves even deeper than that. If the perfect man or woman walked up on some of us today they would have to turn around and leave without the love they came for because too many of us aren’t approachable. We’ve been hurt and betrayed before and it shows on our face and in our body language because we are wounded and haven’t healed. We twist up our lips, we give them the death stare, we huff and puff and our answers are short and clipped as if we’d rather be wrestling alligators than having an interesting conversation with a potential someone. Who wants to get to know anybody who acts like that? We’ve all encountered hurt, but it’s unfair to make someone who may be interested in us go hacking through our walls and protective outer shell before they can even get close enough for a hello. This friendly stranger hasn’t wronged you. If you’re going to engage someone at least be decent enough to give them the clean slate that you’d expect them to give you upon first meeting. Put your armor down. Trust me, being pleasant and being cordial to people you meet doesn’t mean you’re gullible or being a push over. It simply makes you more pleasant to be around and it means that you’ve healed enough from your past to be out there safely dating again without hurting anybody.
Listen to That Still Small Voice. We all come equipped with a sense of intuition, we just have to tap into it. Sometimes we know right out of the gate that the person we are interested in is no good for us. But a lot of times we allow loneliness, the thrill of the chase, the pretty package they come in or the fact that we’re home on a Friday night to con us into being with someone we wouldn’t normally engage. Substitutes are great for people who want to spend their entire relationship acting like they’re totally into someone they could care less about. Fortunately though, the best way to find “the person” for you is to “wait” and stop accepting substitutes. If the soul mate comes while you’re engaging a counterfeit or substitute they’re likely to do an about face and you’ll miss your chance. Don’t allow your impatience to make you miss out on the experience of the real thing. When you meet that special person that still small voice will let you know, and they’ll definitely be more satisfying than someone you just took up with to warm a spot on your sofa in front of the DVD player.
Read The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. This isn’t a sales pitch. The whole reason why even in my own personal reading time I’ve gravitated more towards reading non-fiction is because people everywhere are governing their lives like characters in novels and on their favorite television shows and have forgotten how to initiate lasting and fulfilling relationships. The book uses real life experiences of women who have had issues in relationships and uses spiritual advice to help the reader get their lives back on track, where love and understanding God’s design for marriage and relationships is concerned.
Remember love doesn’t need a map to find you. You only need be receptive to it.
Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. For a chance to win one of seven (7) free copies of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate in the February, 2008 giveaway join her mailing list by sending a blank email to firstname.lastname@example.org before February 28, 2008. Log on to her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com for details on how to request a free excerpt of The Plural Thing.