Dear Shelia,

I think I’m in love with a guy I just met. I’m thinking about telling him how I feel but don’t want to ruin our relationship before it really gets started.  Before now I didn’t believe in love at first sight.  Have you ever experienced it?

Woman from the East Coast

Dear Woman from the East Coast,

I think there’s “lust” at first sight. Love might develop from those lustful feelings eventually, but it’s hard to truly love someone when you don’t know anything about that person; when you don’t know any of their characteristics; when you haven’t had any type of interaction with a person. I’ve seen surveys that both men and women believe there is “love at first sight” and in fact, I asked this question to a few males myself and out of the males asked, 95 percent agreed that “love at first sight” exists.

After reading your question, I tried to recall if I had ever fallen instantly in love.  I came up with zilch. Now lust, yes. Just yesterday, I crossed paths with a man with the prettiest smile and could fill out a pair of levi jeans. He was sexy and I was immediately attracted to him, but love, “no.”

I guess you have the answer to the second part of your question. No, I have never met a man who I instantly fell in love with.

Love is hard enough after you get to know a person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “hopeful” romantic and would love to meet a man and him and I instantly fall in love like in the movies or some of the romance stories I write. But in reality I don’t see it happening.

In reality, I think there can be an immediate attraction. In reality, I think love can develop from that attraction. In reality, I think when both adults feel the same way about each other,love is a beautiful thing.

One question to ask yourself, would you believe a man if he told you after meeting you a few times that he was in love with you?

Readers, have you ever experienced “love at first sight?”

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

Today marks the last day of poetry month. I wanted to highlight one of my favorite modern day poets - Marc Lacy.

Poet Marc Lacy was born in Huntsville, Alabama. He is the 2nd child and eldest son born to Walter and Julianne Lacy. After Graduating Alabama A&M University, Lacy worked as an engineer for several corporations and is currently a government contractor. He spent numerous years heavily involved in organizational work and anchoring various community service projects within the North Alabama area. Lacy has been writing poetry for about 17 years; of which he has performed on tour for the past 5.

By 2001 Lacy had co-founded The Legendary ArtNSoul Society of Expression. Via the local open mic circuit, Lacy transformed from a serious written poet, into a phenomenal spoken word artist. By 2004, Lacy published his first book The Looking Heart, and co-produced his first spoken word cd REFlux (Charles Owens, Touchzone Production & Publishing). Both aforementioned works were the recipient of several independent publishing/performance awards. By 2007, Lacy released his second book of poetry Rock & Fire; which propelled him to the nomination of “Poet of the Year” – Open Book Awards along with Nikki Giovanni. He has traveled the nation engaging in various spoken word/literary endeavors. Lacy has shared the stage/platform with many notable spoken word artists and renown authors. Spring 2008 will manifest his follow up spoken word cd “Trying to be a Spoken Word Artist.”

Peaches & Lyrical Cream

Thoughts of sweet
amenities often
accent prospects
of hooking up…
Everything from
lotions to potions
and creams
following game schemes
kicked
heard
thus the target party is now convinced…
PM wine consumption
body rubs
Kenny G. head bobs
followed by
more body rubs…
Leads to inevitable
actions that are
unspoken of…
But telepathic minds
are hopin’ of…

A good soothing for dinner
and a momentous bang for dessert
configure the proverbial
mack down
rub down
lay down
and let down
flowchart…

Everyone picks
up the pieces
’til the feelings are gone
then the cycle begins again…
But sometimes one
can still win
when the right things are said
yielding proper thoughts…bred…
full is achieved
because the mind
has been fed…
The physical fiendin’
may be achieved later on…
But the mental food administered
properly will always provide
enough to cerebrally, chew on…for a while…

So before you choose to fall
for the loose lines stated within your fantasies
and dreams…
Try consuming peaches and lyrical cream…
Let the words fill the hungry spirit
and allow your “mind” to fiend…
fiend for more knowledge of self…

When you sleep with good knowledge…
…that’s the healthiest “set” of one night stands
one can have…

(c)2008 Marc Lacy
http://www.marclacy.com   

Marc Lacy’s books, Rock and Fire: Love Poetry from the Core, The Looking Heart: Poetic Expression from Within, and REFlux: Poetic Spirit and Spoken Soul, are available online via his website: http://www.marclacy.com/product.php

Dear Shelia,
My girlfriend told me I wasn’t being sensitive to her needs. I’m a man, so I don’t know what she means. Help!

Sensitive in Maryland

Dear Sensitive in Maryland,

Since you didn’t elaborate more on why your girlfriend would say that, it’s difficult to answer. There could be a number of reasons. Do you find yourself “going through” the motions? Do you really listen to her when she’s talking or is your mind a million miles away because you assume she’s saying the same old thing? Does she need more romance?

It doesn’t make you less of a man to show that you care. Pay more attention to her. Really listen and try to cater to some of her needs.

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

Welcome to this week’s advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

 Dear Shelia,
I have dated a man for four years. I love him and he says he loves me. We are both busy people so we don’t see each other a lot.  At first it was okay, but now I would like to see him more often. I briefly discussed this with him. He said that at this time, he would not be able to see me more frequently. What should I do?

Signed Yearning for more

Dear Yearning for More,

Four years is a long time for an open relationship. Sounds like you’re no longer satisfied with a piece of a relationship. Now that he’s told you he’s not willing to see you more often, you have some serious decisions to make.

In the past, he’s had the luxury of spending time with you and doing whatever else without it being an issue. The decision to continue on this path is yours. Why do you want this relationship? Is it really love or just the fact that he’s convenient? You seem to be at a point where you’re wanting more. If this is true, then you will begin to pursue other options; otherwise you’ll be at status quo with another year ticking by yearning for more.

If you have a question, feel free to email me at askohshelia@aol.com or leave it in the comments field.

Here are my top seven Black Films that I consider classics from the 1980s to 1990s. Have you seen any of these? If so, what do you think? Please share some of your favorites.

A Soldier’s Story (1984) starring Howard E Rollins Jr, Adoplh Caesar, David Alan Grier, Robert Townsend Denzel Washington, Patti Labelle

Purple Rain (1984) starring Prince, Morris Day, Apollonia, Jerome Benton

The Color Purple (1985) starring Danny Glover, Whoopi Goldberg, Margaret Avery, Oprah Winfrey, Adolph Caesar

The Five Heartbeats (1991) starring Robert Townsend, Michael Wright, Leon, Harry J Lennix, Diahann Carroll

Malcolm X (1992) starring Denzel Washington, Angela Bassett, Delroy Lindo, Spike Lee, Theresa Randle

Rosewood (1997) starring Ving Rhames, Don Chadle, Esther Rolle, Elise Neal

Eve’s Bayou (1997) starring Samuel Jackson, Lynn Whitfield, Jurnee Smollett, Meagan Good

There’s nothing like a good laugh to relieve some stress. No matter how many times I watch them, they all seem to make me laugh.

Uptown Saturday Night starring Sidney Poitier, Bill Cosby, Harry Belafonte, Flip Wilson, Richard Pryor, Rosalind Cash

Let’s Do It Again starring Sidney Poitier, Bill Cosby, John Amos, Jimmie Walker, Ossie Davis

Which Way Is Up starring Richard Pryor, Lonette McKee

Harlem Nights starring Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, Della Reese

Hollywood Shuffle starring Robert Townsend, Keenen Ivory Wayans, Anne-Marie Johnson

House Party starring Kid N Play, Robin Harris, Martin Lawrence, Tisha Campbell

Friday starring Ice Cube, Chris Tucker

What are some comedies that no matter how many times you see them, you laugh almost as hard as you did as if it was the first time watching it?

Here are my top seven Black Films that I consider classics from the 1940s to 1970s. Have you seen any of these? If so, what do you think? Please share some of your favorites.

 Cabin in the Sky (1943) starring Lena Horne, Louis Armstrong, Ethel Waters, Eddie “Rochester” Anderson

Carmen Jones (1954) starring Dorothy Dandridge, Harry Belafonte and Pearl Bailey, Diahann Carroll

A Raisin in the Sun (1961) starring Sidney Poitier, Claudia McNeil, Ruby Dee, Louis Gossett, Jr

 Lady Sings the Blues (1972) starring Diana Ross, Billy Dee Williams, Richard Pryor and Isabel Sanford

 Claudine (1974) starring Diahann Carroll, James Earl Jones

Sparkle (1976) starring Philip Michael Thomas, Irene Cara, Lonette McKee

The Wiz (1978) starring Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Nipsey Russell, Lena Hornes, Richard Pryor

What are some other movies you would consider classics?

Here’s a list of some movies with unforgettable love scenes - whether caught in the act or alluding to the act. Do you remember any of these? What are some other movies with unforgettable love scenes?

Jason’s Lyric - Lyric (Jada Pinkett Smith) & Jason (Allen Payne) - Very sizzling love scene.

How Stella Got Her Groove Back - The shower scene with Winston (Taye Diggs), how can you forget it? I don’t blame Stella (Angela Bassett) for falling for him.

Baby Boy - The scene with Joseph (Tyrese Gibson) & Yvette (Taraji P Henson) made me fall in love with baby boy.

Mo Better Blues with Denzel Washington; need I say more.

The Best Man - As the end credits roll, Quentin (Terrence Howard) and Shelby (Melissa De Sousa) are in bed together and can’t remember how they ended up there–priceless moment.

Boomerrang - Another unforgettable & hilarious love scene is when an unlikely pair hooks up - Marcus (Eddie Murphy) and Lady Eloise (Eartha Kitt). When the lights go out, Eddie’s character hollers “darker…darker…”

Love Jones - The scene that stands out the most is when Nina (Nia Long) is upstairs and Darius (Lorenz Tate) is downstairs and they both are feigning for each other.

I tried to recall 10, but could only come up with 7. What are some other Black movies with some unforgettable love scenes?

I miss the movie quotes Bettye Griffin used to post on her blog. It was fun trying to remember who said what and from what movie.

I thought I would try it here on my site for today…just for fun.

See if you can name the movie and/or actor for the movie quotes listed below (Hint: The movies chosen have a primary AA cast.):

1. This is my wedding day and I’m supposed to be happy.

2. At the end of the day it’s not about skin color or race. It’s about
the love connection: the vibe between a man and a woman.

3. Oh, my neck, my back, my neck and my back. Oh, I want
$150,000, but we can settle out of court right now for twenty bucks.

4. Now, you listen to me. I MADE you. You were nothing before
you met me, and you’ll be nothing without me.

5. You know, maybe if I had the luxury of getting my
a** whooped, I could be calm right now. But I have been drinking
tequila shots, my hormones are raging out of control, I’m emotional,
I’m horny, and I don’t wanna hear about no g**da** peas!

6. You’re the one that’s guilty. The lawmakers, the politicians,
the Columbian drug lords, all you who lobby against making drugs
legal. Just like you did with alcohol during the prohibition. You’re the
one who’s guilty. I mean, c’mon, let’s kick the ballistics here: Ain’t no
Uzi’s made in Harlem. Not one of us in here owns a poppy field.

7. I give you 11 f****** years of my life and you’re telling me
you’re leaving me for a white woman?

8. Who you goin to the dance with anyway? Spalding?

9. Love should have brought your a** home last night.

10. Who am I? Well, they call me Brother to the night.