What do you do when life throws you a curve ball? You throw one back. Lately it seems no matter how hard I work, something always wants to get in the way of me achieving my goals. There have been times I will admit, that I wanted to throw in the towel; but something inside of me, says “Halt. Regroup. Try going at it from a different angle.”

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but even still I can’t allow the bumps of life to keep me down. I dust the insecurities off and keep pressing forward. Has this happened to you? Have you been trying to accomplish a goal but it seems like you keep running into a brick wall? Does it seem like “everybody” else is doing what they want to do with their lives but you’re stuck?

How do you get over this hump in your life and continue pursuing your goals, inspite of life’s complications? Below are a few tips that have helped me and hopefully will help you:

• Meditation - Regardless of what your religion is, prayer works. Prayer and Meditation helps you block out the world and concentrate on the issue at hand. No interruptions from the phone, family or friends. This is your “me” time. Just you and God. One on one. Be quiet. Listen.
• Talking About It - Sometimes it helps to talk to someone else about your issue. Maybe you’re too close to the situation and a trusted family member or friend can shed a new light. Sometimes they may not have any advice, but just an ear to listen to you vent; but regardless, talking about it may help shed a new light to your situation.
• Vacation - When life gets too busy or hectic, sometimes you must take a vacation. Take a cruise, visit a place you’ve always wanted to see. If you can’t afford to get away, tell people you are going on vacation and make your home your vacation getaway. Turn off the cell phone, get off the internet (can’t believe I said that…smile), and turn off the TV. See how it feels to do absolutely nothing or start that hobby you’ve been putting off.
• Read a Book - Reading can be relaxing and educational. It depends on what you’re reading. If you’re trying to keep motivated, pick up one of many motivational books and see how you can apply some of the principles to your life. If you need a mental escape, reading a book for entertainment will do the trick.

Regardless of what method you use to regroup, do so. Don’t allow life’s frustrations to deter you. You have a goal in mind, things will come up, but you can’t give up. When life throws you a curve ball, you will bounce back.

Article by National Best-selling Author Shelia M. Goss. She’s the author of several novels - Double Platinum, Paige’s Web, My Invisible Husband and Roses are thorns, Violets are true. To learn more, visit her website at www.sheliagoss.com

Even after the ceremony burying the use of the “N” word, I see it used more often than before. Nas even stirred up some controversy because he was adamant about his CD title being the ”N” word. He has since changed his mind because he probably realized that if he wanted his CD on the market, he needed to change his way of thinking.  Kudos to the record company for standing their ground on this issue.

I was at the store recently looking for me a pair of heels to go with a dress when out of the blue this guy uses his cell phone (don’t you just hate it when folks talk on their cell phones out in public and are LOUD). He’s calling one of his friends. Here’s the conversation from his end (he’s at the front of the shoe store and by now I’m going down one of the aisles, but yet I can still hear his conversation):

“What’s up N****?”

Apparently his friend doesn’t hear him the first time, so he says again, “What’s up N****?”

I’m like, dang his friend must be D-E-A-F.

Now by now I’m walking down another aisle passing by this blond haired white woman trying on shoes. A cute pair of shoes catch my eye and they happen to be right across from the white woman. The guy says again, “What’s up N****?”  I do a side glance at the woman to see if she heard him (I know she did because he was talking loud). She looks embarrassed. I don’t even look directly at her.

It was obvious the dude didn’t think anything of it. He could care less he was in public. The friend finally heard or understood what he said, so he stopped using the “N” word and they went on to talk about the basketball playoff games.  Now if the white woman would have used the “N” word in greeting, he and everybody else Black in there would have been quick to whoop her behind.

My thing is if you don’t want other folks to call you what is a derogatory word then why use it in the first place.

Do you use the “N” word and if so when or when isn’t it appropriate?

Updated 6/15/09: I’ve been busy writing books but from what I’ve read recently the Usher/Tameka break up is no longer a rumor.

Previous post: Usher has a new CD about to drop and ironically rumors are flying about his marriage being on the outs.

  Extremely reliable sources close to Mr. Raymond himself have confirmed to TheYBF.com that Usher has indeed filed for separation from his wife of only 9 months Tameka Raymond. To read the entire YBF.com article, click here.

The Last 60 Seconds by Shelia M. Goss

Our relationship spanned over 365 days,

But can be summed up in 60 SECONDS.

In the 1st second

You managed to say the words

“I missed you.”

If you missed me that much,

Then why did it take days for you

To return my call?

In the 15th second,

You managed to say the words

“I need you.”

Of course you do,

Who else would have put up

With your bull for this long?

In the 30th second

You managed to say the words

“I want you.”

Yeah right, after midnight it’s a booty call,

And I made the mistake

Of answering my phone.

In the 45th second

You managed to say the words

“I love  you.”

I look you straight in the eyes and

Ask you one simple question

Why do you love me?

In the 60th second

You were silent

Scanning your mind for the next lie.

As you open your mouth to speak,

I must interrupt,

Sorry, but your minute is up.

Stacy Deanne’s second book “Melody”, published by Strebor/Simon and Schuster, will be in stores June 3, 2008.

7 Random Thoughts with Stacy Deanne

By Shelia M. Goss

What’s one thing (besides writing) that you enjoy doing?
Listening to music

What’s your favorite quote?
“One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying.” —- Joan of Arc

What television show best describes your life and why?
I would have to say “Eve” because the sitcom showcased a young, positive, intelligent, independent black woman doing her own thing on her own terms.

What is your most valued possession?
My computer!

What would your best friend say about you?
That I am very reliable, funny, dependable, easy to talk to and I try my best to give good advice.

What does love mean to you?
Love is the basis of everything for me. I couldn’t be happy without loving someone or someone loving me back. It’s the strongest and most important emotion we could ever feel. To love is to be loved. Love makes everything in life worth while.

What is your favorite outfit to wear and why?
A tall Tee with a pair of jeans or Capri pants.

About Stacy Deanne’s New book Melody:
Melody Cruz is certain her sister’s new boyfriend, the wealthy, charming and handsome Keith Taylor, has a dark past that he will do anything to hide. Wanting to protect her sister, Melody works to uncover Keith’s secrets, not realizing that in doing so, she is sacrificing her own safety—because Keith will go to any lengths, dangerous or violent, to keep himself in control.

At the same time, a man named the “Albany Predator” has been brutally raping black women throughout the city, and Melody is convinced that her best friend is the rapist’s next target. Detectives Brianna Morris and Steven Kemp are placed on the case, determined to bring the sadistic felon to justice. But when things couldn’t get anymore complicated, all evidence is turned around to reveal a surprising suspect.

To learn more about Stacy Deanne, go to http://www.myspace.com/stacydeanne or http://www.myspace.com/everlastingbystacydeanne or she can be reached via email: stacydeanne1@aol.com.

Lately I’ve been having conversations with people who are playing one or more of these roles with the opposite sex.  There comes a point however that we have to evaluate our relationships and de-tox.  I’ve said what I have posted here before but it’s worth repeating. As women, we naturally want to play the role of rescuer and it must stop–immediately.

Here’s a list of 5 types of personality traits that you should avoid: (If you see yourself as one of these, it’s time to reevaluate.)

The Rescuer - Do you find yourself trying to rescue a man from this or that and most of the time himself? Enough already.

The Nurturer - Are you his mama? No, so why play the dual role of lover/mama…sounds perverted doesn’t it…so stop.

The Warden - Okay, now don’t get mad, but having your man on a strict schedule sounds like there are trust issues. If you have to monitor his every move, then maybe he’s not the man for you.

The Dog Catcher - Bow wow…need I say more…you know he’s a dog, he was dating three other women when you met him, but you still allow him into your heart.

The Landlord - Time is precious. Have fun, but be wise. Why let someone rent space in your heart when you know they are not the one.

I’m sure there are other personality types I could touch on, but these five are the ones that come to mind and if you don’t watch it you’ll be caught up in a toxic relationship.

What other personality traits should you be aware of that could lead to a toxic relationship?

Have you ever broken up with a guy and then days, weeks, or months later gotten back together? Did anything change that second time around? As I look back on the times that I went back to an ex, I realize now that in most cases, it was a huge mistake. After awhile, one or both of us was back to doing whatever it was that caused us to break up in the first place.

There was a time I was “so in love” with this particular guy that we had this on again/off again relationship for a few years. The last and final time we broke up, I FINALLY realized that he was like a bad habit–hard to get rid of. To break that unhealthy cycle, I couldn’t put the blame on him, but did some self-reflection. I had to love me more and realize that it was unhealthy to be in a “yo-yo” type relationship. It wasn’t easy at first, but one day became a week and the next thing you know–it’s years later.

I don’t regret the decision I made to end things with him that final time because once I let go and didn’t allow him back into my life, my life was so much better. He had not months, but several years to show me that he was the man for me. Although he supposedly was hurting when I made that decision to end it, he no longer tried to convince me othewise.

I’ve been in other relationships since then and there were times I was tempted to GO BACK with an EX, but I didn’t. One lesson I learned is that AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON and should remain an EX.

I know it’s easier in this day and age to deal with someone you have history with than meeting someone new. With someone new, you don’t know what you’re going to get. But then on the other hand, with an EX, you do know what you’re getting and remember there’s a reason why they are an EX. So is it really worth your peace of mind, just to say that you’re in a relationship? If I were to answer for myself, I would say “NO.” Being free of an EX is freeing you up to learn more about yourself–taking time to love yourself more–and possibly opening the door for love from the person that God has for you.

Have you ever gone back with an ex? Did things change the second time around for better or worse? If you had to do it all over again, would you have not gone back?

Lauryn Hill’s - Ex Factor

Today I’m featured on APOOO’s website during the Every Day is Mother’s Day Tour.  I wrote An Open Letter to My Role Model and would like to share it with you all here.

There’s a little contest going on too, so I really REALLY need for you to leave a comment :). Share some of your own experiences good or bad or just let me know you read it :) 

An Open Letter to My Role Model:

There are so many words that have gone left unsaid. I wanted you to know it’s an honor and a privilege to have you as my mom. The teenage years were a little rough because of the “you just don’t understand me” phase, but we made it through.  I laugh now at how I thought I knew it all and didn’t have a clue.  Although I may not always say it, the things you’ve taught me over the years have come in handy in more ways than one.  I now realize the things you tried to teach me were for my own good. You didn’t want your precious daughter to go through any unnecessary heartaches and pains. Sadly, I didn’t listen in some situations but you never said the words “I told you so” as you could have easily done. Instead, you helped me through the situations and I learned through the school of hard knocks.

As an adult, I realize that I lived like a little princess compared to how some people grew up. I want to thank you for the “normal” childhood that so many others didn’t get a chance to enjoy. I grew up with two loving parents and got to experience life as it was meant to be.  Through your life example, you taught me so much. You taught me how to be the responsible adult I am now. You taught me how to be grateful.  You taught me how to be unselfish. You taught me how to think for myself. You taught me how to treat others like you want to be treated. You taught me that having faith in God will get you through the good times and bad. You taught me how to show compassion. You taught me how to be a caregiver. You taught me how to live and to love.

You’ve been my number one fan and during the times where I wanted to give up, you were the one who encouraged me. As we celebrate all mothers during the month of May, I wanted to publicly acknowledge to the world that I think I have the greatest mom.

Signed,

Shelia M Goss

Daughter of the Perfect Role Model

The Against All Odds 2008 Virtual Book Tour is stopping here today.  Niambi Brown Davis, debut author of From Dusk to Dawn, is our guest author/blogger today.  She has written an article titled I Love Music – Any Kind of Music that she is sharing with readers. She will also be dropping in during the day to leave comments, answer questions and find out what’s on our play list.  Additionally, check out her blog to find out how you can enter to win prizes including the beach bag created by main character, Ayo, FREE BOOKS and a few other prizes.  Click links to visit Niambi’s website and blog.

I Love Music – Any Kind of Music by Guest Blogger Niambi (Brown) Davis

For Christmas 2006 my family created a monster. They presented me with an I Pod Nano. That thin silver rectangle and I are joined at the hip – I do not leave home without it. In the vinyl, reel-to-reel and eight-track era, music lovers had to suffer through an entire album even if only two songs were worth listening to. But it is the 21^st century, and thanks to I Tunes and MP3 magic, all it takes is click and pay to build a custom play list.

Back in the day, the Ojays sang “I Love Music.” And I do – any kind of music. There is a little bit of everything on my play lists. I remember crossing the Chesapeake Bay Bridge on a bright and beautiful day with the sounds of Dizzy Gillespie and Sonny Stitt blowing in my ear. Did I really play my main man Luis Miguel 85 times in one month? And Russell Watkins, putting his glorious tenor to the classical “Nella Fantasia.” He is called “The Voice” for a reason! When I want to imagine myself in Old Havana, I mix a mojito and listen to the late Ibrahim Ferrer. That man’s voice was smooth like golden, aged rum. Cannot miss reggaeton or the Delta blues of Howlin’ Wolf and Son House.  I do love the harmonica and slide guitar.  Sometimes I am in the mood for the boisterous call of DJ Khaled or the Eastern-flavored rhythms of Panjabi MC. Of course, I love calypso, (Byron Lee wit’ de band) but the most-played of all are the Latin, from the old-school Hector Lavoe and the Fania All-Stars right up to the stars of 2008.

I listened to all of this while writing From Dusk to Dawn. And then I had a thought – instead of simply writing to music, why not create a musical journey through the lives of my characters – a play list that speaks to the love story of Ayo and Bilal at their happiest, through their challenge, the most trying and the happiest times of their lives. The idea turned into a CD that became part of my promotional give-away at Romance Slam Jam.  It was a real labor of love – after all, there are only so many songs to fit on one CD – maybe I should have made a double set! I left off Edith Piaf (whose story was one of this year’s Oscar-winning movies). But I did include The White Stripes – gotta give it to the white boy – he knows his way around a blues guitar! There’s some Jill Scott, some Etta James, some Phyllis Hyman and Wynton Marsalis, that genius with the golden horn. And I could not make a mix without Alex Torres y su Orquesta!

This is becoming a habit; I have got two books to follow – and I am already planning the next play lists!

But, enough about me–Shelia and readers, what’s on your play lists?

Niambi was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and raised on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. She and her family lived for many years in Washington, DC and for three and a half years, made the Republic of Trinidad & Tobago their home. She has written for Bronze Thrills, True Confessions and Black Romance Magazines. Niambi indulged her passion for sailing and travel by serving as publicist for the Black Boaters Summit and as a member of the National Association of Black Travel Writers. A script for her first digital novella has been accepted and published by Arrow Publications, LLC. Presently, Niambi writes for Travel Lady Magazine. Aside from travel and writing, Niambi is an avid reader of historical fiction, and deeply involved in tracing the history of both branches of her family tree. Her day job is running the business of Sand & Silk / Soleful Strut, her own line of handcrafted bath and body products.