A Hopeful Romantic

By Shelia M Goss

I’m a romantic at heart. I believe in romance. I believe that there’s the perfect man for the perfect woman and when the two meet, all will be well in the world. At this point, you’re probably like wake up already. No, I’m not living in a fantasy world—romance is alive and well.

Contrary to what the statistics may say (divorce rate is on the rise), women and men still need each other. Women can be independent and wanting a man doesn’t make one less independent. A man can be in a monogamous relationship without the fear of losing himself.

We have to appreciate the differences and embrace them. One good way to enhance our relationships is communication. Communication doesn’t mean just verbal, but other ways to show our mate that we appreciate them.

Some things we just take for granted but when not done can cause a little friction. If you’re not already doing some of these things, try it and see what happens:

· Give your mate your undivided attention. This means that sometimes you need to let calls go to voice mail; turn off the TV; pull yourself away from email and the computer—you get the point.

· Schedule a date night. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, new and old couples need a night just to themselves. If you have kids, find a reliable babysitter. Do what you have to do so you and your mate can keep the flames burning. Keep in tune to what attracted you to your mate in the first place.

· Allow your mate some “me time.” Every now and then we all need to spend time away from our mates—whether it’s to read, a long hot bubble bath, a trip to the spa, hanging out with friends, or just quiet time alone. Believe it or not this can help your relationship.

· Give a card, send an email/text message or make a phone call “just because.” Don’t wait for special holidays or birthdays to show that you care. Do something every week, if not every day to let your mate know you’re thinking of them. And not out of any obligation, but because of your genuine affection towards them.

· Share a part of yourself that you don’t share with anyone else. This helps create a special bond and should bring you closer.

· Make a special CD with both of your favorite songs. Don’t forget to make duplicates so you both can have a copy in your cars (smile).

There are so many other ways to make your relationship stronger, but these are a few simple things that you can do. Remember to take the time to REALLY get to know your mate’s likes and dislikes. Don’t be afraid to cater to their needs. Read together, laugh together, and share a spiritual life together.

 Rapper Nelly is modeling for the Sean Jean underwear line.

 5 Signs You May Be Falling in Love or Not

1. You can’t stop thinking about him.

He crosses your mind throughout the day no matter what you’re doing. He’s part of your thoughts whether you’re sleeping or awake. No matter how hard you try, you can’t stop thinking about him.

Be careful that you don’t neglect others (family/friends) while focusing so much energy into your new man.

2. You get butterflies every time you hear his name.

You haven’t felt this way since your first love. The strange feeling leaves you feeling a little fluttery. It’s a feeling that comes over you every time you hear his name.

Be sure this feeling isn’t trying to alert you to something else.

3. You see yourself dating him exclusively. 

 You’re at a point you want to commit to him and him alone.  You’re willing to take a chance to an exclusive relationship.

Don’t go fantasizing about matching towels just yet. Make sure you know what you’re getting into.

4. You walk around with a silly grin on your face.

Your friends and family comment that you have this goofy smile on your face–for no apparent reason. You try to curb your enthusiasm for your new beau, but it’s unavoidable.

Don’t fret that your family and friends don’t feel the same way about your man. Give them some time.

5. You hear a love song on the radio and it reminds you of your man.

Every slow jam that comes on the radio reminds you of how you feel about your man. You download old school slow jams to your mp3 player.

Be careful that you’re not getting caught up in the “idea” of being in love.

Love is a beautiful thing; especially when it’s reciprocated.

His Invisible Wife is my next book release and APOOO is featuring the book trailer for it over on their site. 

Check it out and be sure to let me know what you think: http://www.apooobooks.com/2008/07/24/invisible-wife-shelia-goss/

Prenuptial agreements are not just for the rich. If you have property such as a home, possibility of inheriting property, own your own business, help put a spouse through school, or a spouse helps put you through school, etc. a prenupt might be something you would want to consider. A prenupt protects both parties involved.

Women these days are making just as much (if not more) money than men, so getting a prenupt before marriage isn’t just something to benefit the man anymore. Grant it, the mention of “prenupt” might make a man or woman run away. Especially if they feel that the mere idea of one is a sign that the relationship isn’t as solid as it should be or that the party requesting the other person to sign one doesn’t believe “in their love” enough. A prenupt isn’t personal, it’s business. It’s a way to protect yourself. In the ideal world, “Until death do us part” would be true 100 percent of the time, but unfortunately divorce does happen–especially if relationships are based on false pretenses.

Do you believe in prenupts? What if you are the one with the money or potential to make a lot of money? Should it be the deciding factor on whether or not you marry? What provisions would you put in your prenupt?

After a week of higher gas prices, stocks plummetting, banks crashing, and Jesse getting caught using the N word, we need a little laughter. Check out the joke my friend Kem sent me last week. 

Little Johnny Strikes Again…The teacher asked the class to use the
word ‘fascinate’ in a sentence .
Molly put up her hand and said, ‘My family went to my grandad’s
farm,and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating’.
The teacher said, ‘That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
fascinate, not fascinating’.
Sally raised her hand. She said, ‘My family went to see Rock City and
I was fascinated’.
The teacher said, ‘Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word fascinate’.
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before.She finally decided there was no way
he could damage the word ‘fascinate’, so she called on him.
Johnny said, ‘My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits
are so big she can only fasten eight’.
The teacher sat down and cried.

I was over on The Young, Black, & Famous website and reading about the incident with Rocsi & Terrence on BET’s 106 & Park.  This post isn’t about the incident but more about whether you should play where you work.

I don’t know for sure, but from the times that I’ve watched 106 & Park, it seemed to me that those two had something going on outside of the show. It appeared as if they were dating, messing around or whatever you want to call it. It’s been written about before but since I don’t know either one of them personally, I can’t say whether or not it’s true. It just appears to be that way.

Let’s assume that it’s a fact that they are or were dating. It may explain Rocsi overreacting and forgetting she had a job to do (although Terrence was wrong for what he said).  Her reaction is the number one reason why you shouldn’t get your honey where you make your money–if things don’t work out, things can get too emotional.

Other reasons why I don’t think you should get your honey where you make your money:

• If you have a disagreement, it may carry over into the work place. Tempers flair. People stare. Your work might become affected.
• If you break up, it may feel awkward working with them.  Do you really want to hear about who he or she is dating now that you’ve broken up? How would you react if you caught him or her flirting with another co-worker? If the relationship didn’t end on good terms, why would you want to see that person every day?
• What if the ex is bona-fide crazy? With the way the economy is jobs are hard to come by so you might not be able to just quit your job because you don’t want to work with your ex.

I do know two couples that ended up getting married after meeting on the job so there are some pros; yet too many cons.  Keep your honey and your money separate — makes for a more peaceful life.

Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? There’s nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.

Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.

As much as men confess to want an independent woman, some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being independent by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody (at the time I owned my own house, car, etc..) My question to him was “why should I wait on a man to buy a house?” He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I didn’t react, I listened to him. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a nonchalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.

Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.

I for one still need romance and I like nice things and I like being pampered. Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.

To quote Destiny’s Child: All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.

Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?

I finally received my copy of the new Essence magazine in the mail. I just love the cover of Usher and his son. They both are adorable. Check out the interview he did with Hill Harper. You might be surprised at some of his answers. Oh and don’t forget to check out the Do Right Men in this issue too–Lamman Rucker if you’re out there, hit a sister up.

How to Play:

You are either a Flirter or you are the judge. Judges pick questions to ask the Flirters (5 total). Flirters respond as fun and sexy as you can. Outflirt your opponent and score “Victory Hair” and a better understand of you flirting skills.