Best of the Best - Will the Independent Women Please Stand Up
Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? There’s nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.
Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.
As much as men confess to want an independent woman, some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being independent by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody (at the time I owned my own house, car, etc..) My question to him was “why should I wait on a man to buy a house?” He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I didn’t react, I listened to him. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a nonchalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.
Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.
I for one still need romance and I like nice things and I like being pampered. Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.
To quote Destiny’s Child: All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.
Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?
Filed under: Dating • Relationships
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Hey Shelia. Great post. I wrote my own take on this post on my website. Check it out when you get a chance.
I don’t think it’s independence you described, but a wall. Having to do things on your own puts up a wall of control, and it’s hard to relinquish or share that control. When you’re alone you tend to spoil yourself, if you want a new car, you just get a new car, you don’t have to ask anyone’s permission or opinion. Many of us carry that into a relationship, not knowing that relationship are based on an intra-dependence or a co-dependence. You don’t have to get stuck in traditional gender roles, but men usually like to serve, and independent women typically take that away from them, and so men have a hard time finding another way to connect, or show their love. The key is to let go piece by and share the control.
I am throwing my hands up and waving them from side to side uncontrollably.
I have said on several occassions, just because I can do for myself doesnt mean it wouldnt be nice to have a man do for me. Why does being independent in a man’s eyes constitute not wanting to be wined and dined.
I’m throwing my hands up at you girl! Good post.
I have several takes on this and comments for the above responders. As women, we have not been allowed to stand in the so called “traditional gender role” in society. Many women, as well as, men have yet to even see the “traditional gender roles” mimicked in their own households. So it makes it very difficult for many women to just assume the position of dependence on a man. Women have and continue to hold down their households - taking care of children, having careers, paying the bills, cooking, cleaning etc. Because of the dual roles many women have served we have evolved this “independent women” in the current day and age who accomplishes more - going to college, buying homes, raising children, taking sole care of their homes and inevitably providing more for themselves. As a result, we are labeled as “independent bitches” which I want to comment, is how I took the above comments from some of the responders. I believe the common ground for any two people to begin/continue a relationship should be based on what emotional support the two can provide to one another. Not, did I make more money than her so “I can feel like the man.” That “traditional gender role” went out the window when generations after generations of women raised children without the presents of a husband/father figure. In the final years of our lives, after all the new cars, the new houses, clothes, etc is conversation and emotional attachment NOT how much more you verses I make or physical things. Furthermore, a gold digger in my book is one who seeks men with money solely for personal gain. Independent women can provide for themselves…..remember that! Any woman, who is being honest with themselves love to be given nice things rather that nice thing be $1 or $1000. If an independent women is interested in a man that makes less than she why should she have to exude differently? In my opinion, many men that feel like they don’t have anything to offer but a higher pay is a man who should do some serious soul searching to find out exactly who he truly is and what he truly wants. Is it his pride or preference to make more than his women? Maybe all that is needed is for many men to swallow their pride and let go of the place traditionally, they haven’t been in for years. All a lot of us independent bitches want is love and good companionship not money; we can make that on our own! Love is shown by support, not tangible replaceable items or the dollar amount of your paycheck! Thanks for the opportunity to respond.
I think it has intimidated some guys. But that just means they weren’t the one. Oh welley.