Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? There’s nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.

Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.

As much as men confess to want an independent woman, some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being independent by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody (at the time I owned my own house, car, etc..) My question to him was “why should I wait on a man to buy a house?” He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I didn’t react, I listened to him. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a nonchalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.

Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.

I for one still need romance and I like nice things and I like being pampered. Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.

To quote Destiny’s Child: All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.

Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?

I finally received my copy of the new Essence magazine in the mail. I just love the cover of Usher and his son. They both are adorable. Check out the interview he did with Hill Harper. You might be surprised at some of his answers. Oh and don’t forget to check out the Do Right Men in this issue too–Lamman Rucker if you’re out there, hit a sister up.

How to Play:

You are either a Flirter or you are the judge. Judges pick questions to ask the Flirters (5 total). Flirters respond as fun and sexy as you can. Outflirt your opponent and score “Victory Hair” and a better understand of you flirting skills.

THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are extremely Good Looking.
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:
To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer.
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

For those of us still in the dating arena, it seems the older you get, the dating rules change.

Last month while visiting a few blogs, I ran across an interesting topic–about when the man should or shouldn’t pay for dates. Well, I’m old fashioned and feel that the man should pay for the date. Now yes, there are some exceptions, but for the most part, that’s just how I feel. I can pay for my own meal, movie or event so if I wanted to go dutch, I would go with some friends with an almost guarantee I’ll have some fun. If I’m on a date, the man needs to pay–plain and simple.

A man who is interested in a woman has no problem spending money on her. Now if he doesn’t want to part with his hard earned cash, then that’s the first sign he’s not really into you. Maybe I’m spoiled but even men who are “just friends” offer to pay when we go out. Now here’s the exception. If the man is considered “just friends” I sometimes treat them, even after they protest.

Back to men who are trying to be more than “just a friend.” I don’t believe in the going dutch, but that’s just me.

What about you? Should the woman go dutch when dating? Why or why  not?

Dear Shelia,

I think I’m in love with a guy I just met. I’m thinking about telling him how I feel but don’t want to ruin our relationship before it really gets started.  Before now I didn’t believe in love at first sight.  Have you ever experienced it?

Woman from the East Coast

Dear Woman from the East Coast,

I think there’s “lust” at first sight. Love might develop from those lustful feelings eventually, but it’s hard to truly love someone when you don’t know anything about that person; when you don’t know any of their characteristics; when you haven’t had any type of interaction with a person. I’ve seen surveys that both men and women believe there is “love at first sight” and in fact, I asked this question to a few males myself and out of the males asked, 95 percent agreed that “love at first sight” exists.

After reading your question, I tried to recall if I had ever fallen instantly in love.  I came up with zilch. Now lust, yes. Just yesterday, I crossed paths with a man with the prettiest smile and could fill out a pair of levi jeans. He was sexy and I was immediately attracted to him, but love, “no.”

I guess you have the answer to the second part of your question. No, I have never met a man who I instantly fell in love with.

Love is hard enough after you get to know a person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “hopeful” romantic and would love to meet a man and him and I instantly fall in love like in the movies or some of the romance stories I write. But in reality I don’t see it happening.

In reality, I think there can be an immediate attraction. In reality, I think love can develop from that attraction. In reality, I think when both adults feel the same way about each other,love is a beautiful thing.

One question to ask yourself, would you believe a man if he told you after meeting you a few times that he was in love with you?

Readers, have you ever experienced “love at first sight?”

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

Happy 4th of July! and check out the July Newsletter by clicking here.