This thinking about the past has me going over several different aspects of my life. Can’t think about life and not think about ex-boyfriends–the good ones and the ones I never wished I would have ever let enter into my life. But life is about lessons. I was about to type a brand new post however a previous entry basically says what I was thinking about earlier today when it came to exes.Birthday Countdowns
Have you ever broken up with a guy and then days, weeks, or months later gotten back together? Did anything change that second time around? As I look back on the times that I went back to an ex, I realize now that in most cases, it was a huge mistake. After awhile, one or both of us was back to doing whatever it was that caused us to break up in the first place.
There was a time I was “so in love” with this particular guy that we had this on again/off again relationship for a few years. The last and final time we broke up, I FINALLY realized that he was like a bad habit–hard to get rid of. To break that unhealthy cycle, I couldn’t put the blame on him, but did some self-reflection. I had to love me more and realize that it was unhealthy to be in a “yo-yo” type relationship. It wasn’t easy at first, but one day became a week and the next thing you know–it’s years later.
I don’t regret the decision I made to end things with him that final time because once I let go and didn’t allow him back into my life, my life was so much better. He had not months, but several years to show me that he was the man for me. Although he supposedly was hurting when I made that decision to end it, he no longer tried to convince me othewise.
I’ve been in other relationships since then and there were times I was tempted to GO BACK with an EX, but I didn’t. One lesson I learned is that AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON and should remain an EX.
I know it’s easier in this day and age to deal with someone you have history with than meeting someone new. With someone new, you don’t know what you’re going to get. But then on the other hand, with an EX, you do know what you’re getting and remember there’s a reason why they are an EX. So is it really worth your peace of mind, just to say that you’re in a relationship? If I were to answer for myself, I would say “NO.” Being free of an EX is freeing you up to learn more about yourself–taking time to love yourself more–and possibly opening the door for love from the person that God has for you.
To all my exes (yes some of them live in Texas…get it, “all my exes live in Texas”…okay corny joke…lol), thanks for the lessons.
Here are a few songs I listened to while I reminisced.
Lauryn Hill – The Ex-Factor live.
Tamia – A Stranger in my House
Deborah Cox – It’s Over Now
Destiny’s Child – Survivor Live
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Hey Shelia…
I can relate a little too much to this though I prefer to not speak in depth on ex’s for a little while… I’ve done too much thinking, reliving, and wishing that I stayed away from the ex’s and taken a different path which reflected good and sound decision making on my part.. I failed on that part but the lessons and somewhat annoying hindsight are endless…lol.. One day I’ll use the endless inspiration for some type of writing but for now all I can do is agree with your quote; an ex is an ex for a reason… Keep moving forward and don’t worry about the coming milestone.. it’s a great thing and definitely a blessing…
VAR I’ve moved on and embraced the idea that God willing I’ll be reaching a new milestone in my life shortly.
Girl you must know what to write just last night a guy I used to deal with 2 years ago……just keep calling me trying to get back in my good graces…..and I just simply tell him….”I’M DONE” he keeps trying to plead his case that he’s so different and things will be different….and I keep telling him….I’m in love with me!!!! Your my past, a closed chapter!!! I told him things had to go the way it did to get me to this point…..I thank God for deliverance!!!
I have two exes who live in Texas…lol! Good post! I have gone back to 1 ex, and before long the same things that drove us apart the first time around, ripped at us the second time around. For me I knew it was over when he exclaimed, one day in err to something he *thought* I was guilty of doing, “I knew you would never change!” That was it for me. He apologized via text/cell/email but I realized he was right. We would never change.
Meachy sometimes you have to be be blunt. There’s no sense in playing with his feelings, so I’m glad you told him exactly how you felt.
Tzynya, old habits are hard to break. He apologized but he did mean what he said.
I’m not a cynic. Sometimes people do change and realize the error of their previous ways. Sometimes people can get past the PAST.
It’s like a re-run. You know the ending… and if your forgot, trust me, before you get there, you will remember the ending, and as you said Shelia… he’s an ex for a reason and at the core of it all, those reasons still exist. If he was married… even if divorced now, he’s a cheater (he cheated while he was with you!), if he was a smoker, or a drinker, the residuals will still be there – either as a weakness or ill health…
When I take a shirt back to the store for an ill-fit, even if I lose weight I don’t go back and buy it again. Now I’ve kept one hoping for it to fit only to end up losing it or giving it away or just play old getting bored with it by the time I could actually fit it.
As you know Ms. Shelia… I have had an entire week spent with exes… I gots some baby’s daddy’s… I’m not shame… I’m just about 49 (8/25/08), that’s old stuff quit so bringing it up okaaayyy. (J/K) But on a serious note… not one of them finnnne ‘looking’ negros gave me the urge for an encore. Looks ain’t nothing… well, not enough.
Single and almost 49…looking for a NEW LOVE (okaaaay)
Ms. M.
Michelle, your last line made me think of an old Jody Watley song – “I’m looking for a new love…”
I swear it appears that just about all women think alike – how many times have I heard the phrase ‘an ex is an ex for a reason’ come out the mouth of a woman? LOL.
With that said, of the women who do think alike, not all act out their thoughts because I’ve witnessed more than a few women jump back into a bad relationship, even after they should have known better.
So props to you Sheila, for saying ‘no more drama’ and meaning it. Enjoyed the read.
I forgot to tell you that I nominated your blog over @ black weblog.
I’m all for the belief that an ex is an ex for a reason. I don’t backtrack. That goes for ex-friends too.
Sheila,
It’s so crazy that you wrote about this. I had an on-again-off-again relationship for the past year or so. I decided to do the one last chance weekend thing and that’s when it hit me. I wondered for the rest of the weekend (yes, it didn’t take the entire weekend to realize it) why I was there, and more importantly, why was he still here. Long story short, I couldn’t drop him off fast enough. Sometimes, we just need that one thing that let’s us know it’s over.
I’ve back-pedaled down that road a time or two. In most cases, it ended the second time around for the same reason it ended the first time. I’ve seen folks work it out though – BUT they were both different people when they got back together otherwise, they’d be doing the ‘repeat shuffle’ like most others who try to go back. With one exception, I’m not sure what made me want to even try again. Hell, I don’t even like reruns on TV! LOL