What Do Men Really Want - Bad Girls
Welcome to DAY TWO of the special series - What Do Men Want?
Meet the panel:
Ralston, Age: 34, Occupation: Software Licensing Consultant
Tony, Age: 30’s, Occupation: Director of Operations for three mental health facilities
John, Age: 46, Occupation: Project Manager, Author
Dino, Occupation: Actor, Director
Luther, Age: 37, Occupation: Software Developer
Eathan from Idatewhite.com, Age: 39, Occupation: Sales/Business Owner
Eddie, Age: 44, Occupation: Salesman
SBM (aka SingleBlackMale.net), Age: 25, Occupation: Software Developer / IT Consultant
Today’s question: Why do good men love the “bad girls”?
Ralston: Very interesting dynamic that you pose. Simple cliche’ says that opposites attract, but I think it’s just an intrinsic nature to want balance, and often times that balance comes in the form of an opposite.
Tony: Well, I can’t speak for all, but some people in general feel that a “bad girl” or “bad guy” brings safety, security, drama, and excitement to the relationship. Of course it’s a misconception but there are people who feel this way. That is why you will hear someone say “so and so is nice but they are boring.” Think about that for a minute. Personally, I like a “good woman,” whatever that means.
John: The same reason good women love bad men–the perception of more exciting and adventurous times. It’s all about the bad girl will keep it real and do anything. The freak in the bedroom myth.
Dino: Not all men. I do not; it’s a headache.
Luther: Because they are sexually simulating.
Eathan: Most men like the challenge. Lots of good men have never had the bad girl…so they want the excitement and the thrill. Some of us good men have already been bad boys in the past…so the bad girl isn’t a challenge.
Eddie: I don’t; perhaps this one relates to a certain age group.
SBM: Uh … when did this get confirmed? I will admit that there are a few draws to bad girls: perceived “super freak,” source of excitement in dull life, and moreso “ride or die” for her man than your average “good” black woman … but I’m not even sure what constitutes a “bad girl” … lol.
Tagged with: Men • What Do Men Want
Filed under: Dating • Relationships
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I’ve def heard of the bad girl myth, but I think she’s more of a fantasy… a jump off. Hopefully no one is trying to wife this girl.
Yea I’ve heard the same thing. I guess the “bad” girl is perceived to be more of a “freak” than a “good” girl. Which I don’t think has anything to do with the other. You can be a “good” girl and handle your business in the bedroom. You could be a “bad” girl have no clue what to do. It’s all about stereotypes and perception.
I agree with you jen.. I’ve had plenty of good girls who are krazy wild in the bedroom. They would make any bad girl take notes. It’s a stereotype issue.
I’ve been making alot of observations lately & I’ve noticed that…alot of chicks who are freaks & have had many sex partners…I’ve watched them get married……or get guys that want to be in long term relationships….so I am I wrong for thinking that men want women who are like that!!??? Cause that’s my assumption…you can somewhat consider me a good girl!!
@Nicky - I’ve seen guys wife these so called “bad” girls and end up with their feelings hurt. They then turn around and try to make the next woman pay for it.
@Jen - I think you’re right. “Good” girls can handle their business just like the “bad” girls; but the “good” girls don’t do any and everything with just any ol’ body.
@Eathan - Thanks for chiming in.
@Meachy - I noticed that too so that’s why I asked.
Thanks for the heads up Shelia -
Personally. I don’t think it matters anymore. If a man wants to marry a so-called bad girl then I’m sure it will a blessed marriage as any other. I have a friend (extremely successful black man at the top of his game) who married who I believe to be a ‘bad girl’ and hell, I was so jealous that I could spit. However as I look back - I think why can’t she be blessed just like a so-called good girl. She really was keeping it real and in the end I think that’s what matter to my friend.
At 32 I dont know any man thats ever had any real time with (including sex) with a women thats “bad”. And I mean-leaving the kids with anyone-class A felony on paper-bad. Yea they werent the most upstanding ladies but a-holes well at least we all kept that to THIER lives. And I sure as hell dont know any guy marrying one.
I think this is a thing with girls-young ladies-women. From an early age girls are in the face of the Boy they are told is “no good” and the mix messages from the women in her commnutiy and pop cult only increases their curiosity.
But I never had any use for the Bad Girl other than Sex. Thats it thats all-I would NEVER want to even think about marrying a Lil Kim…….eeewwww… I wouldnt want to be seen in the DAYTIME with her..hey you a freak and they come out at night-I’ll see you when I am stepping to the AM!
Bad Girls dont do to men what the Bad Boys does to women…I mean jail time-car co-sgined and then dude MIA yea I never heard (even off the web) of mutilple stories like this involving good guys and bad girls.
“I think why can’t she be blessed just like a so-called good girl”
@Mel - Good point. People can change.
“I never had any use for the Bad Girl other than Sex.”
@Temps - Overall this seems to be the consensus with men; although I do know some that have married “bad girls.”
Hmm.. I can be that ‘bad girl’ and ‘good girl’.. Smiling but I also think it’s in the context of the relationship.
@Persia - “I also think it’s in the context of the relationship.” I agree. With the right man, I’m sure any “good” girl can be the “bad girl” that the man wants her to be.
I forgot to add, I’m sure none of the men on the panel would complain about their women being respectable but showing them a different side when behind close doors–goes back to the cliche–”a man wants a woman who can handle herself in the boardroom and the bedroom.”
Now fellows correct me if I’m wrong.
First of all Donna Summer looks BEAUTIFUL…this is a recent vid i think..she looks better with age. wow.
i think the bad girl mystique can be cultivated in a “good woman”..to me all it is a little edge..she can still be wifey material..more so even.
when i think of good in bad iam talking about sexual ability liking to take social risk. some one that decint and not hole back by what other people say is good or bad.
What an interesting topic. No grown man wants the proverbial, “bad girl.” That’s just crazy. What man would want to worry about if his woman is playing footsies, either in the figurative or literal manner, with one of his boys? Hell no. When I say grown man, I am referring to a man who has experienced his fair share of experiences, if you get what I mean. After you have worn that “bad girl” out and realize she is about as good a complement to you as a Ralph Lauren Purple Label suit that is two sizes too big, the gig will be up. And that happens very early on for most men. So, the “bad girl’ has a use early on for less experienced men. Or men who like to live on the edge and wonder what their woman is doing anytime he is not actually in her person. (sorry to be so crass) A shame.
Drewzee, I might have to get you for my next panel (if you’re available). A lot of women stopped through but didn’t leave comments but they definately like reading what’s on the male mind.