Where are the Single Men?

Posted by Shelia on Nov 18th, 2008 | 15 comments

Single women everywhere are wondering where are the single men. As Comeback Girl said yesterday on her blog, they aren’t under your couch. So what is a single woman to do? Well, I have a few tips, I like to call the 5 B’s:

#2 on the list – Be Friendly. Nothing says “I’m approachable” like a big ol’ beautiful smile. If you’re in the store and pass by a man you find attractive, it doesn’t hurt to speak first. Don’t walk around frowning. Nobody wants to be around a sourpuss. A friendly gesture might be all it takes for your prince charming to give you a second look.

To read my entire list, read You Don’t Have to Be Beyonce to Date a Jay Z

Where are the single men? In addition to The Comeback Girls 50 Places List, I would like to add you can find single men at:

Library
Post Office
Wal-Mart
Gas Station
Weddings/Reception
College Homecoming–attending alumni events
Casinos –you don’t have to gamble to mingle
House Parties
Neighborhood – similar to the basketball court–while you’re out taking a walk…never know who you might meet (but heed to Comeback’s disclaimer: be careful…smile)

If you were to advise your single friends, where are other places they can meet other singles?

Beverly says:

November 18, 2008 at 9:24 am

Here are a couple of other places:

Golf course
Airport (especially if you have to travel for business)
Political group meetings
Meachy says:

November 18, 2008 at 9:34 am

thanks for the info!!
Shelia says:

November 18, 2008 at 10:33 am

Beverly I forgot about the airport. I met this really nice guy at the Miami airport once. He was in town for his job (he was a reporter) and I was there on vacation.
kd says:

November 18, 2008 at 11:47 am

All I see are women putting themselves in places to be seen strategically which in turn is ’searching’ for a mate. I’m old fashioned and believe the man should ‘findeth’ the woman. it’s one thing if you enjoy golf and political group meetings, and happen to meet a guy there; it’s another if you’re going to places you really don’t have interests in hopes of meeting or looking for mr. right.

Also I’ll have to re-read some of the mens’ responses. Some seemed ‘real’ but other responses were like, if THAT’s all they wanted and that’s all sistahs ask for, where is the divide? Someone is lying either it’s the women or the men, either way we’re not communicating the’ real’.
Shelia says:

November 18, 2008 at 12:31 pm

KD – I actually disagree with “All I see are women putting themselves in places to be seen strategically which in turn is ’searching’ for a mate.”

I’m from the old school and believe men should be the pursuer; but getting out of the house and living life does not mean you’re being the aggressor. Single women talk about they can’t find a good man, but good men are all around us.
When you do things, you’ll never know where love will find you. It’s not necessarily about going out looking. I usually meet guys when I least expect to. When I go to any of the places I mentioned, I am by no means searching for a mate. I’m on an errand. I have a goal in mind–and that’s filling up my car with gas, finding a certain book, mailing a package, etc.
kd says:

November 18, 2008 at 12:42 pm

Okay that’s different. If you’re running errands, grocery shopping living life & getting out for your personal growth and social interaction that’s good. You do need to get out and be active in the world. But it read (above) like it was about being strategic with were you went in order to meet guys. I like karate, watching sports, kayaking and latin dancing, so I go to those things FOR MY fulfillment and if I meet a guy there great, b/c at least I know we have that in common. GREAT POST
Shelia says:

November 18, 2008 at 7:39 pm

Kd, I went to Walmart minding my own business today–looking for this special hot sauce for some hot wings I plan on cooking tonight–met someone…wasn’t even trying.
drewzee says:

November 20, 2008 at 9:47 pm

I’m gonna go ahead and say to relax a little bit, KD. No disrespect intended. There is nothing at all wrong with a woman being proactive about being in an environment in which single people dwell. She doesn’t have to necessarily be searching for someone. But, I think we’d all agree that a single woman is not NOT searching for someone. It’s similar to anything in which we embark in order to maximize results. If a woman sits at home, she can rest assured she won’t meet anyone. If she goes to the edge of her driveway, chances are she won’t meet anyone. If she goes to the grocery store, perhaps she’ll meet someone. But, if she goes to a place where people go to meet people; you get what I’m saying, I trust. I’m not trying to be combative, I’m strictly saying that strategy is in everything, especially where you go. Perhaps not as little for you as you think. You certainly don’t make sure your shape is on point simply because it is only you who is going to look at it. You don’t make sure you smell the way you do because you will walk around smelling yourself. We are all strategic by nature. So in essence, be strategic, just not overly strategic. Good go at it Sexy Sheila. Be cool.
Shelia says:

November 21, 2008 at 11:43 am

“If she goes to the grocery store, perhaps she’ll meet someone. But, if she goes to a place where people go to meet people; you get what I’m saying..”

Thanks Drewzee for stopping by. I see we’re on the same page–single women need to make themselves more accessible if they want meet men.
temps says:

November 21, 2008 at 11:45 pm

I think the list as to where the men are needs to be specified to location, geographically that is. I am from NYC aint no Wal Marts in the five boros, in fact food shoppin out here is way different-some drive-others walk.

Also the East Coast cities are more about being “on the street ” as opposed to the car-which to me offesets too many vital things, such as a mans financial strength, well its actually counterproductivve to own a car in NYC if you are not ready-insurance (I think its 3rd highest in the nation) and parking will kill the unitiated. Also I cant tell nothing about you just cause of your car…I actually dont like meeting women in their cars.

As for libraries..cant say I ever saw a women worth talking too-and I am going to the NY Pub Lib biggest in the US

Same for Post Office

Weddings and any Collegiate fucntions..yea cant go wrong here

Guess when I do get to Vegas what I ‘ll “do” wont be in Vegas!! The only gambling game I do like is “cee lo” the NYC dice game that has 3 die (4-5-6) I never grew up playing craps (I am such a NY’er).

Now walking around the hood…well thats if YOU really live in one.
I do, I have to leave my hood to “walk around the nabe” looking for the good looking women; Flatbush-Crown Heights, Bed-Stuy and Queens the WHOLE boro. Just being in these places women just come from everywhere but you never see them in “The East”.
kd says:

November 22, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Wow, I see I commented on the right post. LOL First of all I am, relaxed. Secondly I think we all agree living life means going beyond the bedroom and tv set. Sure you have to get up and get out to live and enjoy life to the fullest.

And while you’re living life, you will meet people and maybe a great guy, doing the things you enjoy and are passionate about. But if you’re not into football, why join or go to a city flag football league? Specifically to meet a man? it’s one thing if you enjoy doing that or even have curiousity but another if all you’re doing it for is to meet men. I do agree in life things can be strategic, from getting the right job, the house, friendships etc, just as we all SELL everyday of our lives whether we realize it or not. But a man hunt is a man hunt no matter how subliminal it is.

By the way, I work on keeping fit mostly for me. I wear perfume (when I can tolerate it) for me. Because I like to look and smell good. I don’t strategically wear it to entice men. I’m just saying there are messages out there going to single women that indirectly put them on the’chase/ man hunt’. If you’re the assertive type of woman, this works in your favor, but all of this is part of role reversal.

It’s w/out question if you go to a car show, golfing, or flag football game, you’ll meet more men than just by grocery shopping or the library. But there’s a fine line between attracting likemined people and being on the hunt.
kd says:

November 22, 2008 at 1:18 pm

Oh yeah, GREAT job Shelia. I like to take the ‘opposing’ view sometimes to see what people would say. You learn so much this way. Have a great weekend chica!
drewzee says:

November 28, 2008 at 1:38 pm

First of all, I am relaxed (mocking you) I hope I didn’t offend you. I was talking to your point, not to you, Gorgeousness. I can agree with you there, KD, I can’t lie. You have mad some valid points. Say we cut straight to the chase and talk about exactly what parameters exist for a woman who wants to be more aggressive in her search. What if a woman who will be 30 soon, has no kids, and no prospects and wants to change that? And she isn’t good with just going to places she likes hoping she’ll meet someone with similar taste. What type of suggestions do you have for her if she doesn’t really care what the venue is or if she likes it, but that she will have an opportunity to at least entertain conversation from the opposite sex?

Who is to say that the guy you meet at the flag football game isn’t a closet lover of fine arts, cuisine, and travel? What if he is your dream guy and all you had to do was spend 5 minutes at a golf course to meet him and your life would change forever? Is it okay then, or not? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have a good one.

Drewzee
kd says:

December 1, 2008 at 11:51 am

Drewzee, to quote you:
“Say we cut straight to the chase and talk about exactly what parameters exist for a woman who wants to be more aggressive in her search.”

Actually what you asked above I already stated in my earlier response”:
“If you’re the assertive type of woman, this works in your favor,”.
wizthom says:

December 10, 2008 at 11:47 am

well i find if a lady would just stop judging a book by it;s cover,
a man by the wallet ,their are out there,what i would like to know where are the single ladies ,who still feel the need for a man over sex toys,peace wizthom