Secrets and lies in relationships – Is it ever okay to keep your past hidden?
By Guest Blogger Rhonda McKnight
I’ve been fortunate to have been blessed with nice skin, so whenever I have a pimple on my face it’s a major intrusion. I hate that toxic, bacteria and whatever else is in there brewing under the surface of my skin. But to keep from the dreaded thing from scaring, I don’t touch it. I always wait until the pimple comes to a head and burst on its own. Once the gook is out, I know that if I don’t pick or scratch at the ugly abomination, my skin will eventually return to its clear, smooth state.
I liken this to the hidden issues people bring into relationships. They’re toxins and bacteria that are growing under the surface waiting to erupt and spill their gook. But will everything go back to its normal state if the hidden issues are discovered rather than shared? Or will the source of the information pick and scratch at the heart of the person who feels deceived and betrayed?
Most couples will experience a communication problem at some point in their relationships. When you’re in a relationship, it is normal for there to be things you don’t what to talk about or things you don’t know how to share. However, not sharing, not talking diminishes the ability to experience true intimacy with each other and may even be the root of behavior one spouse or partner doesn’t understand. The unspoken words and unspoken truths between us often build forming a divide between our hearts and our spirits. This makes it impossible for the relationship to continue to be healthy and satisfying.
Sometimes the lack of communication is unintentional. A spouse or partner doesn’t think an issue is important enough to discuss. But other times it is intentional, because maybe someone has trouble dealing with conflict, so they don’t always share when they know they should. But there are times it goes a little deeper. Sometimes it’s a deliberate decision to deceive. We’ve got secrets and we’re telling lies to keep those secrets. Or in the case of the characters in my debut novel, Secrets and Lies, we’ve got past hurts and we don’t trust the love of our life with our pain.
Communication is critical in relationships, but the only thing worse than a lack of communication is secrets and lies between you. So now let’s discuss this.
· Have you ever kept a secret from your significant other and if so why? Or have you been the person kept in the dark? Why do you think your spouse/significant other wouldn’t share?
· What kind of damage do you think it did to your relationship?
· Do you believe what’s done or kept in the dark always comes to the light?
· Why do you think some people struggle with sharing incidents from their childhood?
· Do you believe you owe it to your spouse/significant other to tell them about childhood pain?
I‘d love for you to take the literary journey with my characters and find out how they resolve their issues, or if they resolve them. Here’s the synopsis for Secrets and Lies:
Faith Morgan is struggling with her faith. Years of neglect leave her doubting that God will ever fix her marriage. When a coworker accuses her husband, Jonah, of the unthinkable, Faith begins to wonder if she really knows him at all, and if it’s truly in God’s will for them to stay married.
Pediatric cardiologist Jonah Morgan is obsessed with one thing: his work. A childhood incident cemented his desire to heal children at any cost, even his family, but now he finds himself at a crossroads in his life. Will he continue to allow the past to haunt him, or find healing and peace in a God he shut out long ago?
Rhonda McKnight is the owner of Legacy Editing, a free-lance editing service for fiction writers and Urban Christian Fiction Today (www.urbanchristianfictiontoday.com), a popular Internet site that highlights African-American Christian fiction. Originally from a small, coastal town in New Jersey, she’s called Atlanta, Georgia home for twelve years. Secrets and Lies is her first novel. You maybe find out more about her at www.rhondamcknight.net and www.facebook.com/rhondamcknight
