Mary J Blige (w/Drake) video “Mr. Wrong.”

SURVIVING MR. WRONG
By Shelia M Goss

How many times have you heard one of your girlfriends complain about the man they are with consistently? In your mind, you’re probably thinking, “why don’t you just leave him alone?” It’s easier said, than done.

Are we a glutton for punishment? Why do we continue in a relationship with a man that is apparently “not the one?” Once you realize there is life beyond a dead-end relationship, then you can take steps to resolve the issue.

Here are five sure ways to Surviving Mr. Wrong.

1. To thine self be true.
Be honest with yourself. Ask yourself why are you staying when you should be leaving. Are you afraid to be alone? Do you think you won’t survive without a man in your life? It’s time to sit back and re-evaluate your life. Find out why are you so dependent on someone who may not have your best interest at heart. Only you can make the decision to leave and start anew.

2. Laughter is fuel for the soul.
Life is serious; however find time to enjoy life. Don’t let being with someone who is wrong for you rob you of your joy. When was the last time you laughed? I mean a real laugh that made your head hurt. Grant it, starting over can be hard, but it can also be rewarding. Get back in tune to what makes you happy. If all else fails, make a point of watching comedies and bring a little laughter into your life until having a smile on your face is an every day thing.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.
Now this may be harder than you think. The saying “misery loves company” is so true. Some people close to you might not agree with your actions. Those are the ones you will need to keep at arms lengths as you go through your transition. Take an active role on having a positive attitude. Read and study your bible. Find positive affirmations and read them daily. Post them on your mirror in the bathroom, on your refrigerator, whatever you have to do to keep yourself in a positive frame of mind. Sign up for positive affirmations via email if you have internet access. For example, Jewel Diamond Taylor sends out daily affirmations via email.

4. Pamper yourself.
If there ever was a time for you to pamper yourself, NOW is the time. If you’re not already doing so and can afford it, treat yourself to a manicure and pedicure. In fact, why not go way out and treat yourself to a day at the spa. Get in tune with what your body and spirit needs. If you’re on a budget, there are plenty of things you can do for yourself at home. Take long bubble baths, light those candles and treat yourself to a candlelight dinner, Read the book you’ve been meaning to read. Pull out your favorite CDs and sing along. You’ll be amazed at how soothing music can be to the soul.

5. Don’t be a hermit.
You may feel like locking yourself in your room, but now is not the time to go into hiding. Yes. You need private time to access the situation and get back on track, but do not allow this period to deprive you of mixing and mingling with others. It goes back to surrounding yourself with positive people. Visit a friend or relative that you haven’t seen in awhile. Not saying you have to be a social butterfly, but why not open up your horizons and meet new people.

Here’s one positive affirmation to start you off on your journey of surviving Mr. Wrong:

I survived MR WRONG…anything else has to be a step towards making my life right.

 Parris in my book V.I.P. survived her Mr. Wrong. Find out how in V.I.P.

About V.I.P.: When fans of R & B Diva Parris start dissing her online, Parris knows she has to do something to revive her declining music career. She needs a hit song and fast. CJ “The Hitmaker” is a super producer looking to expand his portfolio. When these two meet, sparks fly, but trouble awaits between the pages. Being V.I.P. comes with a whole lot of drama from groupies and people from their past. Will Parris and CJ be able to mix business with pleasure without getting caught up in a media frenzy? Find out in V.I.P.

V.I.P. is available for Kindle, Nook, and your PC.

What is love to you? Stop by and share.

Love is kind.
Love is gracious.
Love is forgiving.
Love is humbling.
Love is giving.
Love is you.
Love is me.
Love is truly being free.

Here’s an excerpt from my post on Dallas Examiners.

Do you get nervous before a first date? Dating should be fun and when you meet a person you’re really interested in, you really want things to go perfect. Here are a few things not to do on a first date:
 

• Don’t talk about your Ex. Unless, the other person asks you about your ex, do not spend the entire date talking about problems you and your ex encountered.
• Don’t do all of the talking. How many times have you been out with someone and they go on and on about themselves and never let you get a word in edge wise. Give the other person time to talk. Listening is just as important as talking.

To read the rest, go to: http://www.examiner.com/romance-in-dallas/things-not-to-do-on-a-first-date

1. Applicants fill out applications (ask potential date questions).
2. Applicant gets an interview (go out on date to learn even more).
3. Interviewer takes notes (evaluates all information & decide if you want to continue dating).
4. Interviewer does a background check (background check could be asking friends/relatives/or official criminal background check)

THE DATING APPLICATION (author unknown)

As a reader and writer of romance, I love the scenes when the characters realize they are actually in love with the other character. They try to reject the idea of love, but underneath all the denials, love is there. Like in fiction, there are signs when a person falls in love, even if they want to ignore them. To read the entire post, go to: http://gwynethbolton.com/blog/2010/04/27/guest-blogger-shelia-m-goss-shares-the-real-signs-of-falling-in-love/

If you’re trying to figure out what side dish to make with one of your meals, I have the perfect side dish. I call it “Shelia’s Almost Too Good To Be True Broccoli & Cheese Casserole.” You know I’m not a vegan, because yes, this sister here loves meat, but one of my writing friends Michelle McGriff is, so I shared a recipe that anyone could use. To try your hand at the recipe, go here: http://ow.ly/1A9lq

Hope to see you on the tour.

Back in the day, it was every little girls wish to meet her fairy tale prince charming. As we grow older, the realization of that NOT happening can hit harder than a ton of bricks. Although I’ve let go of believing in the fairy tale prince, I do think regardless of your age, your “Mister Right” is out there. No, he won’t be like the ones you read about in my books, but he does exist. Here are some things you can do that will make you feel like the superstar that you are. I like to call them the 5 B’s:

1. Be Prettty. I don’t care if you’re the CEO of your own company or a young lady working behind the counter at McDonald’s, all women want to feel pretty. We want the man of our desires to find us attractive. Being pretty doesn’t have to cost you. Try to be the best “you” by making sure when you leave the house your hair and clothes are together. If you’re not into wearing make-up, try Shock-o-late Lip Glass by M.A.C. or Wetslicks Sugar Maple Lip Gloss by Cover Girl. Accessorize: earrings, a belt, a scarf, etc can bring a dull outfit to life. Pretty is a state of mind—let it shine through from the inside–out.
2. Be Friendly. Nothing says “I’m approachable” like a big ol’ beautiful smile. If you’re in the store and pass by a man you find attractive, it doesn’t hurt to speak first. Don’t walk around frowning. Nobody wants to be around a sourpuss. A friendly gesture might be all it takes for your prince charming to give you a second look.
3. Be Fresh. Have you ever been somewhere and ran across a man where he smelled so good, you just had to know what he was wearing? Well the same works for women when it comes to attracting men. There’s nothing like wearing perfume that will get any stranger to asking—“what are you wearing?” Every body is different, so you may have to experiment until you find the right fragrance that mixes with your body chemistry. I will let you in on a little secret: Issey Miyake perfume is like an aphrodisiac. When I’m feeling flirty, I’ll wear it and I get results no matter where I am. It works at the post office, at the store, etc. Smelling good is a good first impression and opens the door for communication. Find a fragrance that works for you and let the conversations begin.
4. Be Cool. Never let them see you sweat. Life comes with its challenges, but there’s no need to have an attitude about it. Also when you meet someone who is in your eyes all that and a box of shoes, don’t sweat him. Let him come to you. If you’ve shown him that you’re approachable, then, relax and be cool. He’s the hunter; let him hunt.
5. Be Yourself. Know yourself. Know your limitations. Know what you’re looking for in a man. Don’t settle for less. You deserve the best and contrary to statistics, the best is out there. Be your best and expect the best in return.

Dating these days isn’t as simple as it used to be. Even when a friend or family member introduce you to a potential mate, you have to be selective and interview them. You need to know more about them than what kind of car they drive, cell phone number and email address.

Before getting seriously involved with someone there are things you need to know before letting them into your innercircle. Have you met any of his family or friends? How do they interact? What is his religious preference? What information is he volunteering? Most men live by the motto: ”don’t ask, don’t tell,” so get your list together and the next time you’re face to face, ask. Ask, not interrogate. Be prepared however to answer the same questions honestly. It’s only fair.

What would happen if guys had to fill out an application before we agreed to date them?  I came across this application on Black Femme Fatale’s blog one day:

In compliance with applicable laws, this woman typically does not discriminate because of age, sex, race, color, religion, national origin, veteran status or disability. But because I am a woman, I can do whatever the hell I wanna do.

Question: If you’re single or were single, what kind of probing questions would you ask?

By Guest Blogger Rhonda McKnight

I’ve been fortunate to have been blessed with nice skin, so whenever I have a pimple on my face it’s a major intrusion. I hate that toxic, bacteria and whatever else is in there brewing under the surface of my skin. But to keep from the dreaded thing from scaring, I don’t touch it. I always wait until the pimple comes to a head and burst on its own. Once the gook is out, I know that if I don’t pick or scratch at the ugly abomination, my skin will eventually return to its clear, smooth state.

I liken this to the hidden issues people bring into relationships. They’re toxins and bacteria that are growing under the surface waiting to erupt and spill their gook. But will everything go back to its normal state if the hidden issues are discovered rather than shared? Or will the source of the information pick and scratch at the heart of the person who feels deceived and betrayed?

Most couples will experience a communication problem at some point in their relationships. When you’re in a relationship, it is normal for there to be things you don’t what to talk about or things you don’t know how to share. However, not sharing, not talking diminishes the ability to experience true intimacy with each other and may even be the root of behavior one spouse or partner doesn’t understand. The unspoken words and unspoken truths between us often build forming a divide between our hearts and our spirits. This makes it impossible for the relationship to continue to be healthy and satisfying.

Sometimes the lack of communication is unintentional. A spouse or partner doesn’t think an issue is important enough to discuss. But other times it is intentional, because maybe someone has trouble dealing with conflict, so they don’t always share when they know they should. But there are times it goes a little deeper. Sometimes it’s a deliberate decision to deceive. We’ve got secrets and we’re telling lies to keep those secrets. Or in the case of the characters in my debut novel, Secrets and Lies, we’ve got past hurts and we don’t trust the love of our life with our pain.

Communication is critical in relationships, but the only thing worse than a lack of communication is secrets and lies between you. So now let’s discuss this.

· Have you ever kept a secret from your significant other and if so why? Or have you been the person kept in the dark? Why do you think your spouse/significant other wouldn’t share?

· What kind of damage do you think it did to your relationship?

· Do you believe what’s done or kept in the dark always comes to the light?

· Why do you think some people struggle with sharing incidents from their childhood?

· Do you believe you owe it to your spouse/significant other to tell them about childhood pain?

I‘d love for you to take the literary journey with my characters and find out how they resolve their issues, or if they resolve them. Here’s the synopsis for Secrets and Lies:

Faith Morgan is struggling with her faith. Years of neglect leave her doubting that God will ever fix her marriage. When a coworker accuses her husband, Jonah, of the unthinkable, Faith begins to wonder if she really knows him at all, and if it’s truly in God’s will for them to stay married.

Pediatric cardiologist Jonah Morgan is obsessed with one thing: his work. A childhood incident cemented his desire to heal children at any cost, even his family, but now he finds himself at a crossroads in his life. Will he continue to allow the past to haunt him, or find healing and peace in a God he shut out long ago?

Rhonda McKnight is the owner of Legacy Editing, a free-lance editing service for fiction writers and Urban Christian Fiction Today (www.urbanchristianfictiontoday.com), a popular Internet site that highlights African-American Christian fiction. Originally from a small, coastal town in New Jersey, she’s called Atlanta, Georgia home for twelve years. Secrets and Lies is her first novel. You maybe find out more about her at www.rhondamcknight.net and www.facebook.com/rhondamcknight