Prenuptial agreements are not just for the rich. If you have property such as a home, possibility of inheriting property, own your own business, help put a spouse through school, or a spouse helps put you through school, etc. a prenupt might be something you would want to consider. A prenupt protects both parties involved.
Women these days are making just as much (if not more) money than men, so getting a prenupt before marriage isn’t just something to benefit the man anymore. Grant it, the mention of “prenupt” might make a man or woman run away. Especially if they feel that the mere idea of one is a sign that the relationship isn’t as solid as it should be or that the party requesting the other person to sign one doesn’t believe “in their love” enough. A prenupt isn’t personal, it’s business. It’s a way to protect yourself. In the ideal world, “Until death do us part” would be true 100 percent of the time, but unfortunately divorce does happen–especially if relationships are based on false pretenses.
Do you believe in prenupts? What if you are the one with the money or potential to make a lot of money? Should it be the deciding factor on whether or not you marry? What provisions would you put in your prenupt?
I was over on The Young, Black, & Famous website and reading about the incident with Rocsi & Terrence on BET’s 106 & Park. This post isn’t about the incident but more about whether you should play where you work.
I don’t know for sure, but from the times that I’ve watched 106 & Park, it seemed to me that those two had something going on outside of the show. It appeared as if they were dating, messing around or whatever you want to call it. It’s been written about before but since I don’t know either one of them personally, I can’t say whether or not it’s true. It just appears to be that way.
Let’s assume that it’s a fact that they are or were dating. It may explain Rocsi overreacting and forgetting she had a job to do (although Terrence was wrong for what he said). Her reaction is the number one reason why you shouldn’t get your honey where you make your money–if things don’t work out, things can get too emotional.
Other reasons why I don’t think you should get your honey where you make your money:
If you have a disagreement, it may carry over into the work place. Tempers flair. People stare. Your work might become affected.
If you break up, it may feel awkward working with them. Do you really want to hear about who he or she is dating now that you’ve broken up? How would you react if you caught him or her flirting with another co-worker? If the relationship didn’t end on good terms, why would you want to see that person every day?
What if the ex is bona-fide crazy? With the way the economy is jobs are hard to come by so you might not be able to just quit your job because you don’t want to work with your ex.
I do know two couples that ended up getting married after meeting on the job so there are some pros; yet too many cons. Keep your honey and your money separate — makes for a more peaceful life.
Does it make you a gold digger because you like nice things and want to be spoiled by your significant other? There’s nothing wrong with a woman because she wants the royal treatment from the men she dates.
Does it make her less independent? I don’t think so. Independence is a state of being. If you’re independent, you know who you are. You don’t depend on a man or anyone for that matter to take care of your business (personal or otherwise). But it doesn’t mean you don’t want love and affection like the next woman.
As much as men confess to want an independent woman, some can’t deal with our independence. Why? I’ve been accused of being independent by several men. One day I asked a guy why he labeled me as such. He pointed out several reasons why: #1 Because I didn’t seem to need anything from anybody (at the time I owned my own house, car, etc..) My question to him was “why should I wait on a man to buy a house?” He had no response. #2 Because of my attitude. Now you know mentioning a woman and attitude in the same sentence to a woman will bring out an attitude (smile). I didn’t react, I listened to him. He went on to say that I was always nice to him but I had a nonchalant attitude about him and that he had to be the one to initiate the calls, etc. Well, hmm. I said, that I’m from the old school. If a man wants a woman, he should be pursuing her, not me pursuing him. He then went on to point out, that’s why he thinks I have an attitude. He was used to women calling him 24/7 apparently. He made a couple of other points but those are the two that I easily recall.
Can a man not deal with a woman who isn’t clingy (although they complain they hate a clingy woman)? Is it because they are insecure and the fact that if they are with an independent woman they can’t half-step.
I for one still need romance and I like nice things and I like being pampered. Reason being, when I’m in a relationship, my man is pampered. Whatever I give, is what I expect. Being independent doesn’t take away from the relationship. A man should be happy that he has a woman who can think for herself and do for herself.
To quote Destiny’s Child: All the ladies who truly feel me, Throw your hands up at me.
Do you think you being independent has helped or hurt your relationship with men?
You are either a Flirter or you are the judge. Judges pick questions to ask the Flirters (5 total). Flirters respond as fun and sexy as you can. Outflirt your opponent and score “Victory Hair” and a better understand of you flirting skills.
For those of us still in the dating arena, it seems the older you get, the dating rules change.
Last month while visiting a few blogs, I ran across an interesting topic–about when the man should or shouldn’t pay for dates. Well, I’m old fashioned and feel that the man should pay for the date. Now yes, there are some exceptions, but for the most part, that’s just how I feel. I can pay for my own meal, movie or event so if I wanted to go dutch, I would go with some friends with an almost guarantee I’ll have some fun. If I’m on a date, the man needs to pay–plain and simple.
A man who is interested in a woman has no problem spending money on her. Now if he doesn’t want to part with his hard earned cash, then that’s the first sign he’s not really into you. Maybe I’m spoiled but even men who are “just friends” offer to pay when we go out. Now here’s the exception. If the man is considered “just friends” I sometimes treat them, even after they protest.
Back to men who are trying to be more than “just a friend.” I don’t believe in the going dutch, but that’s just me.
What about you? Should the woman go dutch when dating? Why or why not?
I think I’m in love with a guy I just met. I’m thinking about telling him how I feel but don’t want to ruin our relationship before it really gets started. Before now I didn’t believe in love at first sight. Have you ever experienced it?
Woman from the East Coast
Dear Woman from the East Coast,
I think there’s “lust” at first sight. Love might develop from those lustful feelings eventually, but it’s hard to truly love someone when you don’t know anything about that person; when you don’t know any of their characteristics; when you haven’t had any type of interaction with a person. I’ve seen surveys that both men and women believe there is “love at first sight” and in fact, I asked this question to a few males myself and out of the males asked, 95 percent agreed that “love at first sight” exists.
After reading your question, I tried to recall if I had ever fallen instantly in love. I came up with zilch. Now lust, yes. Just yesterday, I crossed paths with a man with the prettiest smile and could fill out a pair of levi jeans. He was sexy and I was immediately attracted to him, but love, “no.”
I guess you have the answer to the second part of your question. No, I have never met a man who I instantly fell in love with.
Love is hard enough after you get to know a person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “hopeful” romantic and would love to meet a man and him and I instantly fall in love like in the movies or some of the romance stories I write. But in reality I don’t see it happening.
In reality, I think there can be an immediate attraction. In reality, I think love can develop from that attraction. In reality, I think when both adults feel the same way about each other,love is a beautiful thing.
One question to ask yourself, would you believe a man if he told you after meeting you a few times that he was in love with you?
Readers, have you ever experienced “love at first sight?”
Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.
The internet has become the new way to meet people; whether looking for a casual or long-term relationship. Although dating is dating, virtual dating adds an extra element. There are pros and cons to virtual dating.
Pro - You get to learn a few things about the person before meeting them in person.
Con - The person on the other end of the computer may not be who they say they are.
Pro - Both parties are given a chance to be attracted to the inner beauty and not be blindsided by the person’s physical attributes.
Con - A picture or description can be fabricated and what you see when you actually meet might not be who you envisioned.
Pro - You don’t have to leave the comfort of your home.
Con - It can be anti-social and you won’t be able to see how the other person acts in a social setting.
Overall when it comes to virtual dating safety is important. Although you may chat, instant message, etc. on a daily basis, in reality you still don’t know the person. If you decide to meet in person, someone close to you should have all of the other person’s information just in case something happens. I would even suggest that not only do you meet in a public place but take a friend along with you (even if the friend sits at another table).
Beware, the person on the other end of the computer screen can be whoever they want to be while hiding behind a screen name.
Virtual dating doesn’t always mean real! Virtual dating can be fun, but it can’t replace face to face interaction.
We’d all like to bypass the hurt and pain of choosing the wrong mate. If we could avoid the men and women who aren’t a match for us and engage someone who will celebrate us and appreciate what we bring to the table instead of someone who comes into our lives just to take whatever they can get, we would. Let me first clear up the thought that there is a simple formula to finding your soul mate—there isn’t. On the bright side, there are steps we can take that will not only prepare us mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the right relationship, but teach us how to “tune in” so we don’t miss it when the right one comes along.
Stop Looking. So many of us spend endless hours looking across the room or scanning a crowded party trying to make eye contact because we feel that it’s the only way we’ll ever find someone interesting. We spend so much time looking outward when really the search to finding someone who will compliment us starts inward. What do you want to do in life? Are you meeting your own goals? So many people are miserable when they couple up because they spent so much time seeking someone else and little or no time fleshing out their own hopes and dreams. Make yourself the focus first. That’s what being single is about. Once you get a handle on you, your likes and dislikes and what you want to do in life, it is far less likely that you will couple up with someone who doesn’t mirror the things you desire. Knowing your own purpose is the best way to be able to eliminate the counterfeits when they approach you.
Appreciate People Just As They Are. This is hard for some people because the media has us brainwashed into seeking perfection in everybody we meet. We want a Denzel face, Angelina lips, Janet Jackson body and a Bill Gates wallet, but we should appreciate everybody we meet even if we don’t consider them a potential mate. These same people can end up being potential business contacts, lifelong friends or so much more. But when we become totally enamored with the outer appearance, the car someone drives, the kind of job they have or other material things rather than bypassing those things and having a heart to heart with them, it actually speaks more of our own inadequacies than theirs. We want someone who has these things because deep down we don’t believe we’re enough. So, get those airbrushed men and women out of your minds. Real men and women don’t look like Hollywood stars in magazines anyway. The package that you’re demanding your perfect mate fit into may come with a rotten personality or abusive behavior. Broaden your mind so that you’re getting the total package of love—not just an empty shell.
Be Approachable. This goes with “appreciating people” part, but delves even deeper than that. If the perfect man or woman walked up on some of us today they would have to turn around and leave without the love they came for because too many of us aren’t approachable. We’ve been hurt and betrayed before and it shows on our face and in our body language because we are wounded and haven’t healed. We twist up our lips, we give them the death stare, we huff and puff and our answers are short and clipped as if we’d rather be wrestling alligators than having an interesting conversation with a potential someone. Who wants to get to know anybody who acts like that? We’ve all encountered hurt, but it’s unfair to make someone who may be interested in us go hacking through our walls and protective outer shell before they can even get close enough for a hello. This friendly stranger hasn’t wronged you. If you’re going to engage someone at least be decent enough to give them the clean slate that you’d expect them to give you upon first meeting. Put your armor down. Trust me, being pleasant and being cordial to people you meet doesn’t mean you’re gullible or being a push over. It simply makes you more pleasant to be around and it means that you’ve healed enough from your past to be out there safely dating again without hurting anybody.
Listen to That Still Small Voice. We all come equipped with a sense of intuition, we just have to tap into it. Sometimes we know right out of the gate that the person we are interested in is no good for us. But a lot of times we allow loneliness, the thrill of the chase, the pretty package they come in or the fact that we’re home on a Friday night to con us into being with someone we wouldn’t normally engage. Substitutes are great for people who want to spend their entire relationship acting like they’re totally into someone they could care less about. Fortunately though, the best way to find “the person” for you is to “wait” and stop accepting substitutes. If the soul mate comes while you’re engaging a counterfeit or substitute they’re likely to do an about face and you’ll miss your chance. Don’t allow your impatience to make you miss out on the experience of the real thing. When you meet that special person that still small voice will let you know, and they’ll definitely be more satisfying than someone you just took up with to warm a spot on your sofa in front of the DVD player.
Read The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. This isn’t a sales pitch. The whole reason why even in my own personal reading time I’ve gravitated more towards reading non-fiction is because people everywhere are governing their lives like characters in novels and on their favorite television shows and have forgotten how to initiate lasting and fulfilling relationships. The book uses real life experiences of women who have had issues in relationships and uses spiritual advice to help the reader get their lives back on track, where love and understanding God’s design for marriage and relationships is concerned.
Remember love doesn’t need a map to find you. You only need be receptive to it.
Linda Dominique Grosvenor has made her foray into non-fiction with the inspirational smash hit The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate. Her expertise on dating and relationship issues has been used in articles for publications such as Modern Bride, Jolie, Jewel, Honey and MORE Magazine. For a chance to win one of seven (7) free copies of The Plural Thing: Spiritually Preparing for Your Soul Mate in the February, 2008 giveaway join her mailing list by sending a blank email to princessdominiqueunplugged-subscribe@yahoogroups.com before February 28, 2008. Log on to her official website at www.LindaDominiqueGrosvenor.com for details on how to request a free excerpt of The Plural Thing.
For the next few weeks, I’ll be posting the best of the best so enjoy and chime in.
Dating and the Job Interview
By Shelia M. Goss
Dating these days isn’t as simple as it used to be. Even when a friend or family member introduce you to a potential mate, you have to be selective and interview them. You need to know more about them than what kind of car they drive, cell phone number and email address.
Before getting seriously involved with someone there are things you need to know before letting them into your innercircle. Have you met any of his family or friends? How do they interact? What is his religious preference? What information is he volunteering? Most men live by the motto: ”don’t ask, don’t tell,” so get your list together and the next time you’re face to face, ask. Ask, not interrogate. Be prepared however to answer the same questions honestly. It’s only fair.
If there’s any questionable things, why not invest $29.95 and do a background check. You’re probably saying if I have to go through that much trouble, why bother. Wrong. Think about it. If you were hiring an employee you would do a background check; so why not check out the guy you’re willing to bring into your world. Whether you pay $29.95 or ask probing questions to your potential mate and those who know him, check him out before making a committment. Wouldn’t it be nice to have 3 references as required when applying for a job?
Prenuptial agreements are not just for the rich. If you have property such as a home, possibility of inheriting property, own your own business, help put a spouse through school, or a spouse helps put you through school, etc. a prenupt might be something you would want to consider. A prenupt protects both parties involved.
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