Dear Shelia,

I recently heard from an old flame.  We went out a few times and had a good time. He’s suggesting we give it another try, but I’m not so sure.  For me the chemistry is no longer there. He is really nice and I can tell that he’s changed so I don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do? 

Signed Confused

Dear Confused,

I can understand you not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. If you have no intentions of getting back with your ex and he’s trying to rekindle old flames; it’s best to be blunt and honest. Otherwise you risk giving off mixed signals which could lead to more hurt feelings. Explain to your ex, you wish him nothing but the best; however you’ve moved on and suggest he does the same. Do it tactfully and hopefully you guys can continue to hold civil conversations. If he gets too emotional about it, you may have to cut all ties, more for your sake than his. My motto is “An Ex is an Ex for a Reason and shall remain an ex.”

But then again, it doesn’t mean things might not work out if you do decide to give him another try. Either way, honesty is the key. Be honest with yourself first and by all means be honest with him.

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

Dear Shelia,

I think I’m in love with a guy I just met. I’m thinking about telling him how I feel but don’t want to ruin our relationship before it really gets started.  Before now I didn’t believe in love at first sight.  Have you ever experienced it?

Woman from the East Coast

Dear Woman from the East Coast,

I think there’s “lust” at first sight. Love might develop from those lustful feelings eventually, but it’s hard to truly love someone when you don’t know anything about that person; when you don’t know any of their characteristics; when you haven’t had any type of interaction with a person. I’ve seen surveys that both men and women believe there is “love at first sight” and in fact, I asked this question to a few males myself and out of the males asked, 95 percent agreed that “love at first sight” exists.

After reading your question, I tried to recall if I had ever fallen instantly in love.  I came up with zilch. Now lust, yes. Just yesterday, I crossed paths with a man with the prettiest smile and could fill out a pair of levi jeans. He was sexy and I was immediately attracted to him, but love, “no.”

I guess you have the answer to the second part of your question. No, I have never met a man who I instantly fell in love with.

Love is hard enough after you get to know a person. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a “hopeful” romantic and would love to meet a man and him and I instantly fall in love like in the movies or some of the romance stories I write. But in reality I don’t see it happening.

In reality, I think there can be an immediate attraction. In reality, I think love can develop from that attraction. In reality, I think when both adults feel the same way about each other,love is a beautiful thing.

One question to ask yourself, would you believe a man if he told you after meeting you a few times that he was in love with you?

Readers, have you ever experienced “love at first sight?”

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.

Dear Shelia,
My girlfriend told me I wasn’t being sensitive to her needs. I’m a man, so I don’t know what she means. Help!

Sensitive in Maryland

Dear Sensitive in Maryland,

Since you didn’t elaborate more on why your girlfriend would say that, it’s difficult to answer. There could be a number of reasons. Do you find yourself “going through” the motions? Do you really listen to her when she’s talking or is your mind a million miles away because you assume she’s saying the same old thing? Does she need more romance?

It doesn’t make you less of a man to show that you care. Pay more attention to her. Really listen and try to cater to some of her needs.

Thanks for reading today’s question at advice corner. I’m not a relationship expert, just a writer who writes about relationships. Feel free to add on your own opinion.